I used to think I was just unlucky in love. Every time I met someone new and felt that initial spark, I allowed myself to believe in the dream they painted for me: the vacations, the cohabitation, the future family plans. It was exciting, intoxicating even. But time after time, those promises dissolved into thin air. What I came to understand is that I wasn't unlucky—I was a victim of something called future faking.
If you've ever found yourself deeply emotionally invested in someone who talked a big game about your shared future, only to later vanish or backtrack when things got real, chances are you've encountered future faking too. It's a manipulative tactic that many people don't see coming until they're already emotionally entangled. That's why I want to talk about it openly—what it really is, how to recognize it, and most importantly, how to protect yourself.
What Is Future Faking?
Future faking is a form of emotional manipulation where someone makes elaborate promises about the future to gain control or affection in the present. It's often used early in dating, and it feels incredibly flattering. Someone might tell you, “I can totally see us getting married one day,” or “I've never felt this way before—I want us to travel the world together.” But these statements aren't backed by genuine intention. They're made to secure your trust, your loyalty, and your emotional investment.
In my case, one man I dated used to send me links to houses we could "move into together someday." At the time, it felt romantic and serious. But looking back, we had only been dating for a few weeks. Nothing ever came from those links—except the deep disappointment I felt when I realized none of it was real.
Why Do People Future Fake?
People future fake for different reasons. Some are narcissists or emotionally unavailable individuals who crave attention but can't handle real intimacy. Others might not be malicious, but they get caught up in the high of new romance and say things they can't follow through on. Either way, the effect on the other person—on you—is the same: confusion, heartbreak, and self-doubt.
Sometimes it's intentional, sometimes it's not. But what I learned the hard way is that intentions don't always matter when the outcome is emotional damage.
Red Flags I Wish I'd Noticed Sooner
Looking back, I can spot the red flags that were waving right in front of me. But hindsight is 20/20, so I want to share them with you in case you're in the middle of it right now and need a fresh perspective.
- The Timeline Moves Unnaturally Fast
In healthy relationships, emotional intimacy and plans evolve over time. With future fakers, it's like hitting fast forward. They might talk about forever after a week, or say “I love you” before you've even had a proper disagreement. It's overwhelming—and that's the point. Speed is used to sweep you off your feet before you start asking questions. - Their Promises Are Vague and Grandiose
Future fakers love to say things like “someday” or “soon” without giving specifics. They'll talk about trips you'll take, how they “can't wait” to introduce you to family, or how you're “the one” they've been searching for—but there's never a date, plan, or follow-through. It's all fluff, no action. - The Words Don't Match the Actions
This was my biggest lesson. If someone's actions contradict their promises, pay attention. A guy once told me he wanted to “build a life together,” yet he canceled plans last minute, rarely initiated contact, and avoided serious conversations. Those are not the behaviors of someone committed to a shared future. - You Feel Addicted to the Highs (and Confused by the Lows)
Future faking often comes with emotional whiplash. One day you're discussing moving in together; the next day they're distant or unavailable. This cycle of intense highs and deflating lows keeps you hooked, hoping the “good version” of them will come back.
How I Learned to Protect Myself
It took a few emotional rollercoasters before I started recognizing future faking for what it was. The turning point came when I began prioritizing consistency over intensity. Here are a few tools and mindsets that helped me break the cycle:
- Take Promises With a Grain of Salt (Until Backed by Action)
When someone tells me they see a future with me, I don't immediately doubt them—but I also don't let myself fully buy in until I see real evidence. Words are easy. Real partnership is built on consistent, small actions over time. - Ask More Questions
If someone starts making big claims early on, I now gently ask, “What does that look like to you?” or “Have you felt this way in past relationships?” Their responses usually give me a clue about whether this is emotional honesty or just more hot air. - Don't Let Chemistry Override Judgment
Attraction and emotional intensity can cloud your thinking. I've learned to stay grounded and check in with trusted friends or a therapist when something feels too good to be true. - Create Emotional Boundaries
I no longer match someone's emotional intensity just to keep up. If someone is pushing for too much too soon, I slow things down. It's not about playing games—it's about protecting my emotional well-being.
Why It's So Important to Talk About Future Faking
Dating in today's world is already hard enough without feeling manipulated or misled. Future faking preys on our natural desire for connection and love. It's a subtle form of emotional betrayal that leaves people doubting themselves and feeling ashamed for believing in something that wasn't real.
But it's not your fault if it's happened to you. I used to feel foolish for falling for the fantasy, but now I recognize that my openness and hope were strengths—not weaknesses. The issue wasn't that I loved too quickly; it's that I trusted someone who didn't deserve that level of trust.
By sharing our stories and shedding light on these tactics, we can empower ourselves—and each other—to build healthier, more honest relationships.
Final Thoughts
Future faking is more than just harmless romantic talk—it's a manipulative pattern that can leave deep emotional scars. If someone is painting a picture of your future together without showing up in your present, it's time to step back and reevaluate.
Learning to spot the signs has changed the way I date. I no longer chase dreams someone else sketches for me—I wait for someone who's ready to build them with me. Slowly, intentionally, and with actions that match their words.
Because in love, the future should never be used as a weapon—it should be a shared vision grounded in truth.
If this resonated with you, I'd love to hear your thoughts or stories in the comments. Have you ever experienced future faking? How did you realize what was happening?
Let's talk about it.
This article could include affiliate links and reflects my personal experience and viewpoints. I recommend that readers carry out their own investigation and form their own conclusions before making any decisions.
